A glimpse of what could have been....

I went through all of college and most of medical school thinking i was called to go into OB/GYN.  Partly because i liked the combination of medicine and surgery (i am a Lambert, after all), but mostly because of my own pregnancy at 17, i felt called to help girls who were going through what i had gone through.  I think i turned out pretty ok, so i thought i could be a good influence.
Despite my GYN research during medical school, which resulted in a publication (!), and a whole lot of loooong hours during my 4th year trying to impress the OB/GYN department, i sadly didn't get into the OB residency.  I was very blessed to have the support of an Internal Medicine physician at MUSC who knew my "single mom" situation and offered me a spot in the IM residency.....which allowed me to stay in Charleston, close to my family for three years...and then that led me to my Pulmonary Fellowship.  And really, i couldn't be happier.  I love what i do, love my patients, and couldn't imagine my life without the MICU, fun procedures, and complicated patients.

But yesterday, i was reminded of what could have been.  I found myself with a young patient in clinic, sitting on the bathroom floor with her, waiting for a pregnancy test result.  Without going into too much detail, this girl reminds me of taylor.....and me.....and my heart just broke for her....and as tears welled up in her eyes, i remembered how I had been in her situation.  So many years ago, the one and only time i took a pregnancy test, it was positive, and i thought my life was over.  Ohhh, i will never wish that feeling on anyone!

But sitting there, while this girl's world seemed to collapse around her, my desire to be an OB/GYN came back.  Of course, the desire to do pap smears, hysterectomies, etc is not there....no thank you!  Give me sputum any day!!!  But..... Having walked in their shoes only a few short years ago, I can identify with their situations and can provide the girls with what they need most—a listening ear and an outpouring of love and support. 

So now...my mind is spinning.  I can't get this girl out of my head and i am trying to figure out how i can blend my pulmonary/critical care training with this renewed desire to work with pregnant teenagers....hmmm.....thoughts?