crybaby

Do you remember the Friends episode where Chandler admits that he hadn't cried since a child?  Not even one tear about his childhood, sad movies or sad memories.....and Joey, Phoebe and Monica call him "dead inside" because he can't cry.  Well, I can pretty much relate everything in my life to a Friends episode....or Gilmore Girls.....and i can relate to Chandler....i don't usually cry.  Partly because i am on an antidepressant that i feel takes away part of my emotion, but also because i never was very "open" with my feelings and i just didn't cry. 
But i am a girl and people assume that i will cry (and yet another shout out....my BFF is crybaby cave so there could be strength in numbers...haha).....there was even a bet amongst the 2nd year fellows when i was a 1st year to see when i would cry for the first time during fellowship.  They all lost.  I didn't cry (at work) until Nov 2011- 16 months into fellowship!

But all of that has changed over the past month.  I am now crying at the drop of a hat and seriously?  I am kinda getting tired of being so "emotional." 
I have cried twice at VA clinic over the past two weeks- once was necessary but the second time was because i got locked out of the computer system....and because of that, i burst into tears!  SERIOUSLY?!?!?  Then i am crying at stupid movies (see previous blog)- which by the way, i am not letting my friend pick any more movies.  From now on, i am picking- and they will either be horror movies or action movies.  No more romance/sadness/mushiness. 
And then i took Tay to school early this morning to leave on a field trip for three days and i got all sad thinking about how lonely i will be when she goes off to college.....in THREE years....and started crying again!

Thank goodness there is research out there that shows that crying relieves stress and lowers blood pressure (and stress and high BP can lead to a heart attack).........so by "boo hoo-ing" a lot over the past month, i am decreasing my risk for a heart attack.
I guess that is really looking at the bright side.
<3

monday things

Thursday things has been turned into "Monday things" because i felt like blogging this morning and didn't have a particular subject to talk about.  So here are a few random things.

 

1) Yes, i like to harass my med students.  I feel like since we read PFTs all month, they should DO them to see how hard it is for a patient to do them.

So here are Karl and Marc, my med students for March getting their blow on.

I promised them that i wouldn't put their pics up on FB.....but i didn't say anything about my blog.  hehehe.

:) 

2) Feeling slightly domesticated this weekend, i cooked these veggie burgers.  Amazing!  Slightly messy but nevertheless, amazing!  I paired them with TJ sweet potato fries.
A little taste of heaven.
And i love that blog.  So inspiring!

3) Famous last words: "Let's watch a romantic movie."
And so this movie, One Day, was picked.

 It looks romantic and wonderful and i was thinking it was going to be a good movie.
WRONG.
Here is the basic story line (and don't read if you haven't seen the movie and don't want to know the ending): Emma and Dexter meet on the night of their university graduation and they meet up every year on the anniversary of that date - July 15th.  Through the years they grow apart as their lives take different directions (dead end jobs, great jobs, drugs/alcohol) and they meet other people (Dex even gets married and has a daughter) but always pining secretly for each other. But as they grow apart from those other people and their lives start taking opposite directions again, Emma and Dex find that they belong with each other.....and always have.  That is, until Emma dies in a horrific accident and leaves Dex broken hearted, mourning the loss of his best friend/wife/lover that he just had found again.  He, of course in the end, finds solace in his beautiful precocious daughter and living life like Emma was still alive.

After the movie i spent the next TWO HOURS sobbing my eyes out.  I had to hide under a blanket as the movie ended as tears poured down my face- i mean, come on, i am no "crybaby cave" and hate when people see me all "emotional."  I cried in the shower as i was getting ready for bed.  And i cried while TRYING going to sleep.
Stupid movie.
My face is puffy today.  I look like i am on prednisone.


4)
Look at this face.  So precious.
Isn't that a wonderful thing to wake up to every morning?

Thursday things

Well, Happy Thursday.  Here is a few pics from the week:





Today the Hunger Games comes out at midnight.  And Taylor and her friends will be there for the midnight premiere (aren't i a nice mom).  They will be dressing up and Tay will be going as a "dead tribute."  Here is a sneak peak of her look:

This is my favorite place in the backyard.  The arbor that we built 3 years ago.....and then i put twinkle lights all over it and hung lanterns.  So peaceful, beautiful, amazing.

This is the icky pool.  There is a lot of work to do.....but i promise it will be crystal clear in time for bathingsuit season!

But....look what i did today!  7 bags of leaves from the back yard!!  And this was AFTER my VA clinic!

I am now a hard worker both outside and inside the house!

Well, it has been a loooong week.  I have been busy at work, been catching up with friends, and trying to partake in Charleston Fashion Week (which is so amazing)!  I am lookin forward to the weekend, getting some sun, and catching up on some sleep.  Hope everyone has a Happy Friday!

Dating Advice

I haven't, nor will i ever, run around advertising my current relationship status.  It is a painful situation to be in- causing a mix of emotions that for the most part....... make me feel numb.  For those of you who know me know what is going on.  For those who don't, you can just assume the worst but hope for the best.
:)

I am however, very honest with my patients. And although i might not be the brightest physician and might never have hundreds of publications or be known internationally, i do connect with my patients personally- tell them things about me and my life- especially if it helps them with their illnesses.  Or even if it is just to make them laugh.  Or feel better.  A lot of patients know about my history of an eating disorder.  Others know about me being a teenage mother.  Others (a few) know about my relationship status.

Now the ones that know about my relationship status....it is few and far between....but let me tell you, they like to give dating and romance advice.

For example, my 70 year old VA patient told me that i need to find someone that will "make my toes curl."
I swear to the good lord he said that.
Even better- let me set the scene in which he told me this- we were in my "office."  He is overweight, wearing oxygen, driving a motorized scooter.  And he is straight country- from Walterboro.  And has been married for 43 years- his wife is currently in assisted living and he stays at their home with their dogs.  I love that he told me to find someone that will "make my toes curl."  It is so real.  So honest.

My other patient wasn't privy to me telling her about my relationship- she just overheard me talking with Bronch ladies and telling them my sad story.  Approximately 2 minutes before putting a needle into her lung to drain off fluid she told me; "Here is my advice.  Marry for love.  Don't marry for money.  Don't marry beneath you. Marry for love."
The next day was her birthday.  I had told her that i wanted to bring her a little bottle of champagne but was worried that it was against the hospital rules.  Instead i brought her a small red velvet cake.  It matched the roses she had received from her boyfriend.  I don't think she ate the cake.....i hope she did but she was really weak......and died 2 days later.

Again, i have to say, i love my patients.  I learn so much from them- not just about their disease processes (which i hate that they have but i do learn a lot)..... but i learn about compassion, honesty, humility, courage.....so many things.  And when i think that life is hard and i feel numb, i think about my patients and the memories i will forever have because of what they tell me.
:)

Weekend Obsessions

1. iPhone 4s

Goodbye crackberry........ hello iphone!!!  You are currently 48 hours old.....my new baby.

And i am already totally addicted. 

However.... i can't sync my itunes with my iphone.....what the flip?!?!?

2.  Glamour magazine lists the 25 hottest celebs of 2012. Agree or disagree with their picks?

I personally <3 Emma Stone and Zoey Deschanel.

3. DIY Bow Heels

http://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/cf-x-make-it-fake-it-diy-viktor-rolf-inspired-bow-heels/

man i wish i was crafty.....how cute are these????

4. The Charleston Food and Wine Festival
charlestonwineandfood.com/
March 1-4, 2012
Highlights have been:
Thursday's Opening Night Party
Friday's Taco Turf Wars - at Lowndes Grove Plantation  (hello amazing pork belly, roasted bananas, microgreens and peanut sauce)
Highlights will be:
Saturday i will be MIA but i heard the Culinary Village and its Grand Tasting Tents is where to be
Sunday- BBQ Blues+Brew – for their closing ceremony!

 

Happy Weekend!